Effective ministry is relational. When you are ministering to children or teens, you are essentially ministering to their families as well. Many churches don’t have it set up that way, but children are impacted by their parents. To make a meaningful impact on their faith, we need to partner with parents.

Gone are the days where teachers and ministers were viewed as authority figures and people did whatever they said without questioning. In today’s world, your suggestions or requests may be rejected merely because you are perceived as an authority figure. The “You can’t tell me what to do” attitude we used to associate with small children is pervasive even amongst adults and even when you are merely suggesting and not ordering someone to do something.
What hasn’t changed, however, is that people tend to listen to people they respect. Some people will respect you for your expertise on faith and children, but most probably won’t give it the respect it may deserve. Which means you are going to have to earn the respect of parents the old fashioned way – through having a relationship with them.
I know you think I have lost my mind. You already have more than you can handle. How can you possibly build relationships with the parents of all of your Bible students? I get it. I’ve been in your shoes. It’s not easy and will require some time management magic. There are some ways though that you can start building relationships that will allow you to give godly advice to the parents of your students. Here are some of our favorites.
- Coffee. A coffee house is a great way to get to know people a little better. It also gives people an easy out when they need to leave. You don’t have to be a coffee drinker – I get iced tea. The point is not the drink, but the atmosphere. Be prepared to ask getting to know you type questions. It’s also a great time to uncover what people think are the strengths and weaknesses of your ministry or any ideas or suggestions they have.
- Prayer groups. These can be online or in person… regularly scheduled or periodic. I met for prayer with a group of moms at my daughter’s elementary school for several years. Even though our kids are all adults now, I still feel a special closeness to those ladies.
- Parent Bible studies. You don’t have to go as far as setting up permanent small groups. Try having several short term Bible studies of just a few weeks where the focus is learning about parenting from the Bible. Parents might be relieved to find there are more examples of poor parenting than good in the Bible. This lets you easily work in your insights as the study progresses.
- Parent book clubs. This too can be groups of shorter duration. Pick a parenting book or a fiction book that revolves around a parent child relationship. Focus your conversation on what does and doesn’t work well and how God might view the parenting in the book.
- Texts. I have a lady at church who sends me a quick text once every few weeks and more often if she knows something big is going on. Even if we text back and forth a couple of times it takes just a couple of minutes. I love being prayed for and feel closer to her even though we don’t spend that much time together. You can divide up your parents so you only text a couple of them a day.
- Cards, notes and parent letters. Who doesn’t love getting snail mail? Important tip. Hand write at least one line and personally sign your name. Printed and stamped cards feel impersonal. I love parent letters for keeping parents informed. Adding just one handwritten line on the page makes the parents feel valued.
- Focus groups. I know ministry isn’t marketing, but most people in ministry just guess what is and isn’t working for their students. Having periodic focus groups or listening sessions allows you to get at the truth and see what solutions or ideas parents might have. Most people get frustrated and disconnect from leaders when they don’t feel seen and heard. These listening sessions allow you to do both.
Taking the time to build relationships with the parents of your students makes it more likely they will at least listen to you the next time you have a suggestion or request. Plus you will get a lot of helpful information you don’t have now. It’s worth making time for relationship development.