Many times in ministry to children or teens our focus is on mentoring parents regarding their role in the spiritual formation of their children. Did you realize, however, that your ministry can also learn a lot from effective Christian parents in your church?
That’s right. Studies have found there is a strong correlation between a particular parenting style and how the most effective teachers manage their classrooms. So let’s back up a bit.
There are three basic parenting styles (we are ignoring neglectful for the moment). They are permissive, authoritarian and authoritative. Permissive parents are often very nurturing, but don’t have any rules to speak of and rarely correct their children or give consequences. On the other end of the spectrum are authoritarian parents. They tend to be emotionally distant from their children and aren’t known for being particularly nurturing. They have lots of rules which they enforce strictly with punishments and corrections that may seem harsh. In the parenting sweet spot are authoritative parents. They are nurturing and supportive, but also have high expectations and are often objectively described as strict. They do, however, tend to listen to their children and give out consequences which are consistent, but fair.
Study after study has shown that the sweet spot of parenting is authoritative. The children in those homes feel loved and supported, but also have firmly established and supported boundaries. They know exactly what is expected and what will happen if they break the rules. These parents are parenting like God parents us. Their children are more successful in school, are more resilient, self reliant, less anxious and depressed and less likely to engage in delinquent behaviors.
So what does that have to do with your Bible class teachers and other ministry volunteers? Studies have found that teachers who are supportive, respectful and demanding are the best teachers. For our purposes, in both parenting and teaching, I would add the ones who are most effective are also very mindful about helping young people learn, understand and practice as much in the Bible as they possibly can.
So what does it look like for a Bible class teacher or volunteer to be supportive, respectful and demanding?
- Supportive. Do your students feel loved? Do they feel they can reach out to you if they have a problem or want to talk? Do they view you as an encourager? Do they know you are willing to go the extra mile to help them become who God created them to be?
- Respectful. Too many adults think respect only goes one way. You should respect your students as much as you expect them to respect you. What does that look like? In general, that you expect the best from them until they prove otherwise – no matter what else you may have heard about them. That you don’t immediately assume the worst – especially when it comes to motives. That you make it clear, you are more than willing to help and mentor them, but you don’t overreach and force them to tell you private matters. Oddly, it may also mean you make clear rules about things like devices and trust them to obey the rules rather than assuming they won’t and proactively taking things away from them.
- Demanding. Not in the negative sense of the word, but in that you expect they are capable of the very best and you expect them to live up to you expectations. This can be about obeying your class rules, how they treat others or even their participation in classroom discussions and engaging in Bible study, prayer and other spiritual disciplines outside of class. It means you give them chances to grow spiritually by giving them opportunities to step slightly outside of their comfort zone and try new ways to use their gifts to serve God or participate in classroom discussions. Your expectations are appropriate and possibly different for every student. You don’t have expectations that are too low or too high. You take into account their personalities, backgrounds, gifts and talents in setting expectations and give each what they need to grow spiritually – expecting they want to grow spiritually and will accept the challenge.
And that last one? Effective Christian parents and effective Bible class teachers are constantly in reflection and adjustment mode. They have a clear idea of what young people need to learn and understand in order to be able to live a faithful, productive Christian life. They are constantly assessing their lessons and activities to make sure not only are things being taught and explained, but also that students are given opportunities for guided and then solo practice. They are aiming for mastery – a concept not discussed often, but mentioned clearly in scripture. Does each young person have all of the tools they need to live a faithful, productive Christian life? No one is perfect, but mastery implies there is a solid spiritual foundation with a heart that is focused on pleasing God.
Want more help? Find those parents in your church who have raised children to be faithful, productive Christians as adults and get them to help evaluate and enhance your Bible classes and programs. You may find they are your best asset.
